The Season

Today on my way to work I started thinking...

Thinking about a lot of different things, actually. One of the blogs I read has been touching on the subject of fear lately. Fear is an amazing thing. It can take hold of you in a gut wrenching way, it can come unannounced when you're all alone, it can happen most anytime. But it's the way you meet it that makes a difference.

I have been very lucky in my life. Very lucky or very ignorant. I have never been one to doubt myself or my actions. I am very happy with myself and my life.

Sure, there are the 30 lbs. that I would love to lose. The financial security that I yearn for and the hope for children one day. But looking at myself...I am content. I have always had that. And for that I am grateful.

Self confidence is a tricky thing, I think. A lot of people profess to have it but I think a lot of people are fooling themselves. There seems to always be this need to show how good you are or what you have accomplished. Competitiveness. Oh, Lordy, I could write a book... But are you content with who you are and what you have?

I wish that everyone could feel that this holiday season. We get wrapped up in presents and food and parties and blah, blah, blah. It's not easy, especially in this time of recession and cutbacks. Funds are tight and people don't have the same resources they once had. It's not easy.

Hope is good, it drives us and makes us focus on important issues. Look at the recent election. Change CAN happen. It has happened! I have hope for the new generations to come. I look forward to bringing my offspring into the world because there is hope that we can improve what we have here.

And what do we have? Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I can tell you what I have.

I have love. I have family that means the world to me. I have friends for whom I would walk the earth. I have the sweetest little puppy who runs like the wind and makes me smile every time I think about him. I have a job that satisfies me and challenges me. I have a home with heat and down comforters. I have a new computer with a ginormous screen and a Christmas tree that is 10 foot tall and all lit up. I have a team to run with in the spring and a doctor's appointment on the 30th to get new orthotics. I have a refrigerator full of food and freshly made rice crispy treats. I have it all. For that, I am thankful.

Life isn't always easy. It shouldn't be. We need to know that life isn't fair. It's not an easy ride. But if we work our butts off and do everything we can to make it worthwhile... well, it will be. Life is what you make of it. Be confident. Believe in yourself. Make it happen. Go big, or go home. But we all know...going home isn't an option.

I wish you all Happy Holidays and much love. Go out there and get 'er done. It's the only way to live.

Happy Holidays!

Right now, the weather outside is frightful.
But our Max is so delightful.
And since I have no place to go, let him pose, let him pose, let him pose!

I know, I'm terrible. But I have managed to take a photo of most of our tree and Max. I had a hard time getting the tree topper in there without cropping his head. I've been wanting to get a new tree topper for about 10 years now but I can't find one that I absolutely love. Why don't they make nice ones anymore?

Aaron brought home our tree a couple of weeks ago. He loves the big bushy trees that look to me like they've been shaped. I prefer the noble firs but he thinks they are too skinny and spare looking. So, he almost always gets his way. I don't complain because this is his favorite holiday and I love seeing him sit in front of the tree staring at the lights.

Isn't he the most handsome fellow? If only he wasn't such a mischievous little monkey. Here's the latest Maximus story...

Aaron's best friend Lance came to visit this last week. He lives in Missoula, where my best friends live. Since one of my friends was leaving this Saturday to go on a cruise during Christmas I asked Lance if he would drop her present off for me. I put it in his suitcase and considered it done. Last night as I was wrapping presents and getting my packages ready to mail I saw it. Tricia's present, sitting on the pile of already wrapped presents.

Me: "What the hell? Shit! God-dammit!"

My mother: "What's wrong? What happened?"

Me: "Shit!"

My mother: "Why are you cussing so much?"

Me, realizing I'm talking to my MOTHER on the phone while cursing: "Oh, nothing, just a present I thought got sent already..."

I thought Lance put it back on the pile of presents but Tina told me that she found it next to the stairs, under the vacuum. After closer inspection, I realized that there were two mini-puncture marks in the present. No slobber, thank goodness. It turns out that while Lance was packing, Max was trying to help. He grabbed the present out of the suitcase while Lance wasn't looking and brought it back downstairs. Lance flew out that afternoon. Such a good little monkey. Always getting into trouble! That's why it is a good thing he is so dang cute!

The life of a dog

It's the holiday season. Here in California, the leaves are falling from the trees and it's turned brisk. That doesn't bother Max at all, he loves to go for walks! One Sunday we took a walk downtown to go watch the San Jose Holiday Parade. It was a gorgeous day and we had a lot of fun. Max was trying to look and smell everything at once.

Oh look, a pole!

Oh look, another pole!

Mmmm...ivy, I love this stuff!

Max is pretty good walking on a leash. He gets a little excited and wants to sprint right from the start but he slows down once he realizes that he gets to smell and pee on everything. Ah, the life of a dog!

Life in General

I've been meaning to post for some time about my daily happenings... the Christmas tree we put up, the lights, the runs, my poor little Max hurting his leg, again... but then I get lazy and just don't feel like writing.

I've had some things that have made me get a little panicky lately. I have to take .33 of a credit for my damn CPA exam qualifications and I finally registered for the class. But holy Mary, honestly, I'm so over it. I just know I need to do it so I can start taking some different classes so I have a prayer of passing those frickin' tests. Can I just be an adult, already???

The economy is in such shambles. What is going on? Gas is finally at an acceptable price, but then where the heck did my 401k go? It's a fraction of what it was just months ago! Argh! I finally feel like I have some room to breathe and then...wham. You'll be working until you're 70, lady!

On the other hand, some very good news from my friend Amber. She signed the contract and set a date. She's getting married in September of next year and asked me to marry her and Matt. I'm very excited. I love weddings! And Amber has been a very special person to me for a very long time. She has this impish smile...you can't help but love her. Matt is very lucky to have her.

But then. There is always a then. You see, there is this news that just breaks my heart. Someone I love very dearly in my family has a genetic disease that is non-curable and although I have known this for a long time... it hurts. I don't want to write any specifics because...well, it's personal. But it's scary and hard. How do you cope with losing a loved one? How can I possibly spend enough time with them? What can I do to make it better? How can I fix this? Me. I'm the one who fixes the printer, the stove, the lights, the computer, the drain...anything! But I can't fix this. My heart is heavy and I don't like it.

Tomorrow is a new day and there is always the hope that just maybe...maybe there will be a cure. At the very least, equal rights for those that are sick. I know that day is coming, but still I worry that it won't be in time.